The old adage moving right along struck me as an appropriate blog post. That pretty much describes the current chapter in my life. The literal moving portion, the plugging away aspect, and the stepping into the next chapter of my life, gulp. The dreaded Empty Nest Syndrome. I believe that Mike and I actually earned our doctorate degrees in parenting this week, thanks to of course, the Chloemeister. After such a week (senioritis, prom, AP tests, no sleep, I'M 18, what curfew?) you'd think I'd be, not really excited, but at least looking forward to September when Chloe will move to UC San Diego. It is definitely bittersweet. On the one hand, I'm so grateful that I don't have kids who want to stay home and roost under their parents' roofs - knowing that their success is dependent upon them becoming independent adults. On the other, I have never had more joy, more sense of purpose, more fun, and more pleasure than being a parent. I even liked the hard stuff. I'm one of those crazy women that even liked being pregnant. I even liked breast feeding (sorry Allison!) despite the sagging aspect. I have always felt that my greatest achievement would be to raise successful, happy, healthy kids. I wanted my kids to have more opportunity, education and confidence than I had. As Jacqueline Kennedy said (or something like it), "No matter what else you do in your life, if you mess up raising your kids, nothing else will matter." With a very happy heart, and one sentence in to the next chapter, I am moving right along with a man who holds my hand every step of the way. When September rolls around I will be ready.
Happy Belated Mother's Day!
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
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No Fear
Ojai is known for its Pink Moment when at Sunset the sky turns mauve and pink over the Topa Topa mountains. Even better than Sunset is watching the moon rise over the Valley, a truly breathtaking view. A full moon over the Valley is magic and is asbolutely my favorite view. One of these days I'm going to have a "Howl at the Moon Party". Its on my short list - golf is on the long list.
As a child growing up on a large avocado ranch, I remember space, free time and privacy around me. Being able to get lost in the trees, finding a path overgrown by vines and creating a secret place where my sisters and I could play with our avocado leaf money and our water color make-up for an entire day and no one was worried. No people, lots of imagination, a trust in ourselves and a pace and innocence that most of us have forgotten.
Fear is so alive in today's World. Our greatest challenge is to live a life without fear. To openly love. To openly accept love. To embrace life with intent and without reservation.
No fear.
Nike had it right.
Howl at the Moon
No Fear
Dream House
Not a Nightmare - I swear!
Dreams vs. Nightmares
I'm not saying I'm actually remorseful - that would sound spoiled. But I really am wondering what possessed Mike and I to give up an apartment in Carpinteria on the beach and a house in Ojai with a pool for a 2 acre piece of dirt with "Life Long Project" written all over it. Its easy - the answer is Dreams. You have to have them. What would we have done if we could only fish and kayak on the weekends instead of backhoe, plaster and paint? This will be OUR home with new memories and stories. Fishing can be for weekends. It isn't a nightmare...do I sound convincing?
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2 comments:
ah crap....i'm screwed kathy...and I'm pretty sure my kids will have some issues...especially if they find my blog one day..."mom's big secret"....ah!
Funny that I think I can't wait for my kids to grow up and move out...but then I get pulled quickly back to reality by my own actions of calling "mommy" at least 10 times a day...and that I would give anything to live near them.
I'm sure 10-15 years from now (if I'm still blogging) I'll be writing the sadest, most depressing post about my lonely empty home. Filled with tears and regrets for being so bitter the first 4 years.
For now...thank god they wanna leave and that you aren't having to charge rent or beg them to find a job. Plus, you can run around naked...hehe
The great thing about getting old is you forget how it really was...I totally remember the first few years of parenting as being physically and emotionally draining. Have other people totally dependent upon you was such an adjustment. I literally remember feeling that I had appendages that would NEVER stop touching me. I just wanted space. So, as my memory deteriorates I only remember the good times. Its a blessing, I think.
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